That Julie is a Trouble Maker...

Julie, trying to choke poor Bogie.

Ever since I started hanging out with that Julie, I've been getting into nothing but trouble! It seems that trouble just follows her around. For example, today was to be the first day of the rest of my life and it started out pretty slow. I eagerly awakened the "Lovely Jules" promptly at 6 AM and we chatted making small talk and talking of dreams and ambitions until 7. I hung up, headed out of the bedroom and made coffee. Then while I was waiting for it to brew, I fell asleep until 10, got up, played on the computer until 11 When Julie called from none other than, Fashion Square Mall in Scottsdale. Do I want to go shopping, she asks? Of course I do, that's more fun than starting a new career today, so it was off the computer and into the shower and I made it all by 12 noon. We rendezvoused at Macy's and "a shopping" we went. Although we didn't spend 10 cents on anything other than lunch, we had a great time critiquing all of the other shoppers. We even crossed the picket lines of local 134 carpenters union when we went into AZ Outfitters searching out the elusive winter scarf for Saint Jules. Then it was Border's Book Store for fresh porn for Julie. How embarrassing!

We said goodbye at the Macy's parking lot and got into our individual cars and then to our separate houses. Julie called me when she got home to tell me that she's bought all of the ingredients for the meatloaf that she's been threatening to make for about a week and she'd make it tomorrow night. I told her that I was much too hungry to wait, that I'm making a sandwich. I wandered over to the computer and looked to see if anyone had sent me a joke or an email or even spam and low and behold, there was an email from Match.com telling me that I've been terminated. GASP! I was terminated, how could that be? I was careful never to use profanity and always be courteous to the nasty old ladies that wrote to me, even though they were 10 years and more older than I had requested and anywhere from too skinny to 100 LB overweight. In other words, if I looked good to them they wrote, it didn't matter if they were not what I had requested.

There was that one time that I experienced a melt down and kind of got fed up with it. It was sparked by a nasty old woman from Texas writing to me that she lies about her age and everything else when she writes to a man, what's wrong with that? In her bio she brags that she drinks heavily and I could almost see the beer spills on the written page. She was slurring her words even through writing and misspelled about one out of four that she wrote. I relied to her that she need not write to me again when she's under the influence of alcohol or any other drug and when she sobers up to throw away my address. Then she insisted on writing me again to tell me that someone else used her address to write all of that drunken gibberish and I replied by telling her that she looked like she had make-up in her wrinkles, left over from 1958. That must have done it!!! She must have reported me and I got terminated.. It was worth it.

Julie tells me that she can get me into E-Harmony.. That girl loves me I tell ya!