Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Blowing Chunks...

It was around 1961 and if we weren't out rolling bums, or going on a tour of the city morgue, you'd usually find us hanging out around the Howard L, looking for a perspective drunk to buy us beer. That's how the Dantes, a social, athletic club spent most weekends in the Village of Skokie, Illinos. Honestly, I had only heard the other guys talk about rolling bums and touring the morgue, but I was right there approaching drunks to buy us beer. In 1961, for $2 you could own most of them. We'd wait around the corner and when our drunk would approach us, we knew he'd have the goods. Although we specialized in beer, we were known to partake of Colt 45 Malt Liquor too.

We'd drink ourselves silly and somewhere around midnight one fine evening, I recall "heaving" in a doorway. That was when I decided I not only wasn't fond of vomiting, but rather loathed it. I decided to make that my last chunk blowing session and with the help of God, I was pretty successful.

Roll forward the calender and it's 1992, 31 years later and I've still not puked a bit. We were getting ready to move into this house, my son Brad and I. I had bought chicken parts and broccoli and prepared it in a pineapple sauce that I was pretty proud of. We ate, relaxed and went to bed that night. Somewhere around 3 AM, I awakened and didn't really know what was wrong. I sat up in bed and literally didn't know if I should shit or go blind! I ran to the bathroom and heaved up my entire dinner and on the other side of the bathroom wall, I could hear Brad up doing precisely the same thing. Needless to say, that was the last time I made chicken and broccoli in a pineapple sauce!

Shoot ahead to 1998 and we had gone to dinner at the beloved Tutti Santi's, my wife and I. I don't recall what I had ordered, but I was at my office selling a Volvo and the people were just leaving with their new car and I got that queasy feeling. I remember making it home, but not too long after that, I ran to the bathroom and literally exploded in there from my mouth. I wasn't too pleased because it was a mere 6 years from the last time.

I would never say that the Lovely Jules turns my stomach, it's just not true. The fact does remain that I walked into her house last night, looked her right in the eye and disclosed my plan to throw up. With no further adieu, I pushed past her, yelled my intentions and ran for her bathroom. I'd say I spent about 5 minutes in there before feeling confident enough to leave the security of it's confines.

When I exited, Julie was the perfect nurse. She handed me a cold bottle of water, 2 Excedrin and she insisted I lay down while she fussed over me and scratched my back. I'd do it all over again just for the back scratching! I guess I got home around 12 midnight and was literally up all night with insomnia.

Dr. Z called early this morning and announced to me that my Creatinine level is at a whopping 4.5 and wanted me to go to the emergency room of the hospital. I assured him that I was flowing again, that my kidneys are once again working at normal volume and he agreed to let me just go and get blood drawn again.

I called Julie to tell her it wasn't she that made me puke, but the Creatinine levels. I'm still not sure she believes me, but she did offer me a kidney! Wait until one night when she falls asleep, heh, heh, heh....

Mel
8/20/08

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