Half way into day 3 of this certain death. Apples have always been my friend until Friday night when I haphazardly bit into one that kind of surprised me. Although it looked fine on the outside, it's area just below the skin was somewhat dark in color and didn't have that sweet apple taste. I'm a fan of the sweet Delicious variety. With apples probably costing more now than an other time in history, I wanted to give this apple every chance to prove it's quality to me. I tried not looking at it while I munched away. About 2/3 though the succulent prize, I realized it wasn't quite as good as it's brothers had tasted in the past and I made it a point to toss the remainder in the trash. In the past, I've used apples as a delicious treat as well as natures own laxative. Sorry, but it's the truth. This particular apple had "beware" written all over it and I somehow didn't heed it's warning.
I ate said apple about 30 minutes before retiring for the night, but the apple had a much different night planned for me. My plan was to sleep gently while dreaming of a parade of flowers dancing like sugar plums across my view. I don't even know what sugar plums ARE! The apple had plans of me running from about one hour's sleep to the restroom screaming "OHHHHH" all of the way there. Then, it had plans of me spending the rest of the night doubled over sitting on the thrown that Home Depot was once so proud of. Man, I started to HATE that apple! The following is a list of the damage the apple has done so far.
I ate said apple about 30 minutes before retiring for the night, but the apple had a much different night planned for me. My plan was to sleep gently while dreaming of a parade of flowers dancing like sugar plums across my view. I don't even know what sugar plums ARE! The apple had plans of me running from about one hour's sleep to the restroom screaming "OHHHHH" all of the way there. Then, it had plans of me spending the rest of the night doubled over sitting on the thrown that Home Depot was once so proud of. Man, I started to HATE that apple! The following is a list of the damage the apple has done so far.
Keep in mind I'm NOT a doctor, but this is what is apparent to me.
1. Pancreas and pancreatic enzymes are reduced to mere puddles.
2. Heart operating at 39% efficiency.
3. Both kidneys and my liver have ceased working at all.
4. Upper and lower intestines, as well as my stomach have had large amounts of broken shards of glass deposited in them.
5. Blood pressure is 63/25 with a pulse of 8. (just an estimate, I haven't really taken it)
3. Both kidneys and my liver have ceased working at all.
4. Upper and lower intestines, as well as my stomach have had large amounts of broken shards of glass deposited in them.
5. Blood pressure is 63/25 with a pulse of 8. (just an estimate, I haven't really taken it)
Some of my symptoms are:
1. Dizziness.
2. Light-headedness (or is that just one?)
3. When I lift food to my mouth, my mouth starts to water in a very unhealthy way.
4. Crave apple trees to chop down and ignite.
5. Loud and obnoxious sounds emitted from my personal exhaust system (TMI?)
2. Light-headedness (or is that just one?)
3. When I lift food to my mouth, my mouth starts to water in a very unhealthy way.
4. Crave apple trees to chop down and ignite.
5. Loud and obnoxious sounds emitted from my personal exhaust system (TMI?)
If this is too much information or if you have any suggestions for my recovery, please comment as the people that I usually depend upon have sensed my early demise and have abandoned me.
Thanks....
Mel
8/17/08
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