Friday, July 17, 2009

The Prince of Prejudice...

Sometimes, between carpet cleanings, I forget why I dislike my carpet cleaner so much, but with one phone call, to ask him to come over and rearrange the dirt in my carpeting and I remember. My carpet cleaner's name is Dave and he's a Chem-dry carpet guy and all they ever do is smooth the dirt in your carpet out, so it's evenly distributed. This is a big help to my spotted carpeting, as a result of 11 years of 2 Great Danes using my home for an auxiliary rest area. Towards the end, by big boy was incontinent and my part time job involved a shop-vac and a lot of elbow grease. Now that it's time to sell this pink elephant of a house, it's my job to make it as presentable as possible to a potential buyer. Thirty five years in the car business has prepared me to know what the public expects.

Let's get back to Dave. Dave was referred to me by my step-daughter some 17 years ago. He was a neighbor of hers in her apartment building. Dave married a young lady and eventually she gave birth to a baby and then a few years later another offspring. I'm informed that the first child is going away to college soon. So a lot of time has passed since the first time Dave pissed me off.

I called Dave and said a warm hello. You could tell he was happy to hear from me, as he asked rather enthusiastically how I was and how those 2 dogs are doing. I explained that the dogs have gone to that kennel in the sky and it was time to sell my house and I needed his help, badly. As usual, he asked if I ever hear from my step daughter and of course I tell him no. I explained that the last time I'd heard from her, she had moved to Texas and married a guy whose name ended with an gnii. He replied, a Jap or a Chink? I said no, it was a guy from the Middle East. Oh, a sandN-------! I replied, Dave, I haven't heard anyone use that word in years and I'm a little surprised at you. He explained that he only uses that word N----R with friends, and he considers me a friend. (I hope he remembers that when it's time to pay him). Then he explained that he's a bigot and HATES all minorities, particularly the N----rs, the Jews and the Indians. The Jew are clearly the most hated group world wide and they deserve every fucking thing they get, because they are the scum of the Earth and try to cheat everyone and are cheap and arrogant.

After about a 2 minute run on why he hates Jews, I could hardly control myself and I said Dave, you knew I was Jewish, didn't you? After a couple of stutters he said yeah, but you're one of the good ones! Dave, you never mentioned there were any good ones! I said, you knew our mutual friend Martha was Jewish too, didn't you. He replied sure, I been to her house and it's full of "Jew Art". Reluctantly I asked what Jew Art was he said, "you know, a mess"!

Dave will be here Wednesday next week to do his magic. I'm looking forward to it. Whatever it is he does to my carpet, I usually do to his head. Only he never realizes it until about 2 or 3 hours after he leaves...

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