The Slow Burn...

I have a date tonight with Eugie (not anyones real name). I met Eugie on Match.com back in April. We chatted a few times, then she didn't return a call and we stopped communicating for about 3 weeks. I kind of bumped into her on Match, one day and we started talking again, her always initiating the calls. She claimed she never got my message when I left it that time. Guess what. Voicemails ALWAYS work and that's not a possibility. But we started chatting again and decided to go out for coffee. Our coffee date lasted 3 and 1/2 hours and I really started to like her. I asked her if she wanted to go out for dinner the following night and she just FROZE! Eventually, she replied, "I'll have lunch with you"! I questioned her reasoning, I was okay for lunch, but not dinner and she eluded to the fact that she wasn't comfortable going for dinner yet.

(Now I've been with slow movers before, but this is ridiculous) Eventually and I mean maybe 3 weeks later, we went to the Knocked Kneed Lobster for lunch. We both knew of this restaurant and both love it there. (big deal). After out lunch, I excused myself to the restroom and she was on the phone when I returned, telling me she had to run to her son's house to pick up her granddaughter. We said our goodbyes. We talked on the phone lots more, her always calling me, not me calling her. I decided that I like her, but she requires time. About a month later, I asked her to go to dunner with me during a phone conversation and she said she couldn't, as she was leaving for CA. tomorrow, She didn't offer a second choice. In other words, she didn't say, "No I'm going to CA tomorrow, but how about next week?" I decided that she only wanted to be friends and asked her. She said, "hell no, I've got enough friends". So what did she want?

I let another 2 months pass and she continued to call me about every 3rd day. We shared things about one another and the subject of her Match.com membership was expiring and she wasn't renewing it. I asked her if with all of her stories and all of her dates, if she met anyone that she was attracted to. She said, yes, a guy named James and YOU!

Me, We're just friends, I thought. I asked her if she was attracted to me, why is she not letting me know about it? No answer. Could it be that I've met the world's last 53 year old shy girl? I asked her if she had any dates for the weekend, and she replied, yes, Saturday, but I don't want to go. I said, have dinner with me then. A rather long uncomfortable pause took place and finally she said, okay! I replied with, no cancellations accepted, she agreed it was time. Well, that didn't take long, did it?

Now, all I have to do is see if Tutti Santi is still in business and we're good to go.

Yesterday was a strange day in many ways. I was contacted by no fewer than 7 new and strange women from both Match and another dating service I'm a member of. One email was rather interesting as it made no sense whatsoever. I'll share it with you.

Hi Dutch Ovens
What does that mean? Family from Holland. Said you are retired. What did you do before that?? Don't know how long you have been on this. My responses have not had responses. Maybe not honest or don't know should be on this. City boy to City girl. Happy to hear response.

(I must have read it 11 times without the advantage of having it make any sense)
My reply:

I really don't understand your email. It's kind of like a mystery. If you're asking what a Dutch Oven is, it's a way of cooking where the subject of the recipe is in a pot or pan and that pan is in water and the entire thing is put into an oven. As for Dutch, no Jewish in fact. What did I retire from? I was a secret agent that later turned out to be a double agent, but accused of being yet a triple agent. The whole thing got too confusing, but I know I wasn't an insurance agent. That I would have remembered.
I've been a member of Match (this time) for about 3 months and every time I join I wonder why. I'm going on my first date with a woman that I met 3 months ago (on here) after emailing and chatting for all of this time. I'm what you call a slow starter.
Tell me a little about you, but don't make it so confusing. I know YOU know what you meant, but try being the receiving reader. Between responses and City Boy and City Girl, I reread your email 11 times and was still not sure. good thing I'm a secret agent.

Dutch (and no "Parenthesis")

Her reply:

You funny. Just wondering what you did. Hope you have fun on 3 month chat. My responses must be lame. Didn't know there was a language to Match. Like hearing from you secret agent. Lauren.

My reply:


Lauren:

You seem as though you're dissatisfied with my "responses". I like to get to know a person before actually meeting them. I felt 90 days was an adequate getting to know each other period. Don't you agree that people just jump into relationship too quickly? As for my career, it's not something I just list on a questionnaire. In addition to being a nationally recognized Notary Public, I also owned and operated a Gecko training school. We actually take credit for training Sebastian from Geico fame. He was quite an accomplishment when he drove that little convertible into the parking place. The applause was resounding, all I saw were $ signs! I retired when I lost my contract with Geico when they wanted us to train the Cave Men. No WAY!
I'd like to hear back from you. Perhaps you'd be interested in getting on my waiting list?

Dutch